The Journey Awaits

I'm starting a new literary project and I thought I might share it with you all. I need a break from med-school and my desire to write and to be creative is being stifled by science and by absolutes. So here, in multi-series fashion, I will be adding short stories together, which, I hope, will be weaved together in a beautiful fashion before I am finished. As I said, however, I am in med-school which demands a good portion of my time. I want to come back to this as often as I can.

Please join me as I set out on a new journey and style of writing that is new and exciting to me. I also want to share my inspiration for this episode of the story that follows below. The song is called "Sargasso Sea" by Suzanne Ciani. Feel free to click on the link if you want to listen along. I don't know how to make it pop up in a new window, so if you do, I suggest opening it in a new window or coming back to my blog! :)

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The Lone Star blazed in the morning sky in a perpetual state of chasing after the darkness, never able to catch it, but always catching a glimpse of hues of grey, of scarlet, of rose, and of peach. Gentle winds billowed through the salt-laden air, whispering tender words of affection. Turquoise waves rolled on in stereotyped fashion, leaving only a turbid wake behind the massive wooden frame of Le Somnium. Bitter cold sprays of salt-tinged water sprinkled John's face leaving behind a refreshing chill, cured only by the warm caress of morning air.

A solemn melody carried on the sea breeze lamented upon John's ears. Beautiful, arching notes dripped with tears of heartbreaking, dissonant chords as they danced upon the winds. Note after note ebbed and flowed with the endless grace of the ocean. Enchanted by the ballad, John searched for its source only to find swirling currents in infinite world of teal.

As if carried by the aria, pelicans glided above in the sea of azure. Wings of innocence, marked with charcoal of wisdom, graciously stroked in perfect rhythm. Out of the scarlet horizon appeared a miniature island that grew in size with the sound of the refrain. John's eyes spied a delicate bar of sand gleaming like gold. Upon this throne of gold sat an ebony grand piano played by a solitary figure. Polished like a pearl, the maiden's instrument reflected the darkness and depth of her lonely vigil.

Drawn by her lullaby, John steered Le Somnium into the sand until its gigantic frame came to rest upon a pillow of gilt. John's feet sank into the shifting sands as he stared quietly at the nobility behind her instrument. Sorrow seeped from her delicate hands as they gently brushed the pearl and ink keys. Her head, bowed to the ground, swayed in time to music as if a marionette commanded by a puppeteer. Elegant, golden locks flowed from her, swaying, tickling her shoulders covered with frosted shawl. Her shawl, imbedded with ruby rosettes, rested upon a dress of coal; perhaps the most alluring sight John's eyes ever beheld.

Slowly and gracefully, the damsel's chorus came to an end as the last notes hung in an air of elegy. Emerald set in marble stared into John's heart, into his soul, as she stood and advanced toward him. John's heart leapt in fear, but the echo of her dirge fastened his feet into the shifting sands. Placing her hand under John's chin, she directed his gaze into hers. With a breath that smelled of honey mixed with tears, she spoke in the a tender voice that John's ears never believed could exist. "So long I have waited," she breathed. "So long I have waited." John's soul ignited with the maiden's lament that still reverberated in his mind. "And longer I must wait...Rest," rolled the words off her tongue like dew a morning plant. The music inside John grew louder and restless until his vision grayed and his knees buckled under an invisible burden. John, overcome by her chorus, collapsed to the warm, coarse sand. With his last sight came the vanishing hues of grey and scarlet upon the horizon.

Prayer of Relinquishment

From my weekly prayer requests/devotional at Wayne State SOM. I hope it can be a blessing to anyone else who might read it here.

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Have you ever found yourself working on a project and hear God calling you to leave it be. Or maybe you feel God is asking something of you and you just can't seem to give up the reigns of your life to Him? Our pride, our desires, our wants, our loves all cloud our view of God and we think that we know better or that there can be another way. We make excuses and continue on working, perhaps harder than we were before. It is in this mindset that the adage which says, "If you love something, set it free," teaches us to trust in God.

The most poignant example of the Prayer of Relinquishment is that of Jesus Christ in the Garden of Gethsemane. It is here that our Lord, broken and distraught, wrestles with God asking Him for another way to save humanity. It is not just once that Jesus goes to pray in the Garden, but three times! Blood and tears marked His prayers that night. However, He ends His solitary vigil with these words, "Yet not my will, but yours be done." Other leaders of our faith have learned the Prayer of Relinquishment as well: Abraham relinquished Isaac to be a sacrifice; Moses relinquished his understanding of how the deliverer of Israel should function; King David relinquished his first son born to Bathsheba.

This prayer may sound like it is calling us to let go and, in many ways, it is. However, we are not letting go to give in to a fatalistic view of our future. Instead, we put our faith in God and trust Him that the plans He has for us are greater than we can understand. Sometimes, in letting go, God is testing our faith to see if we are willing to give up something we hold dear. Many times, that very thing returns to us like Isaac returned to Abraham. Sometimes, however, we may never see it again and we must trust that God's ways are altogether right and good.

Let's face it, as medical students, it is hard not to want the best for our career. We say we are going to be the best surgeon, the best cardiologist, the best internist, the best physician and we are going to save thousands of people through our work. We think we have to get in the 93rd percentile or get so many honors in order to get into that competitive residency. In saying these things, we are putting faith in ourselves - not in God.

By putting to death the will, God is able to take this tiny vision of ours and free us from it in order to release the greater good that He has in store for us. The Prayer of Relinquishment is a crucifixion of the will that joins Paul in saying, "It is no longer I who live, but it is Christ who lives in me." It frees us from the burden of always having to get our own way. Foster explains it in this way, "It means freedom to care for others, to genuinely put their needs first, to give joyfully and freely." This prayer daily will transform us, not like a flash of lightning violently illuminates the night sky, but over time like an oyster transforms a grain of sand into a precious pearl.

Catherine Marshall once wrote, "Resignation is barren of faith in the love of God...Resignation lies down quietly in the dust of a universe from which God seems to have fled, and the door of hope swings shut." Our relinquishment, as opposed to resignation, is an act of crucifixion of the will which releases us from our standards, our miniature vision, our faulty ideas and our imperfect actions. The Prayer of Relinquishment is not something that I can tell you how to pray. It is unique to your experience and unique to you. I can, however, tell you that in praying this, we must go with Jesus into the Garden and say, "God, it is not my will, but Yours that must be done." In doing so, we can fall with full satisfaction into His arms, knowing that His will will be done.

James 4:13-17

Now listen, you who say, "Today or tomorrow we will go to this or that city, spend a year there, carry on business and make money." Why, you do not even know what will happen tomorrow. What is your life? You are a mist that appears for a little while and then vanishes. Instead, you ought to say, "If it is the Lord's will, we will live and do this or that. As it is, you boast and brag. All such boasting is evil. Anyone, then, who knows the good he ought to do and doesn't do it, sins.